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When Good Isn’t Good Enough
Ursla McCarthy – Director of Soul Care, Ascend Church
I like things done well.
Maybe you do too.
There is nothing wrong with that. Scripture commends diligence, faithfulness, and hard work. We are told, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men” (Colossians 3:23). Doing something carefully and doing it well can be an expression of loving God and loving others.
But somewhere along the way, I want to do this well can quietly become I have to get this right.
And those are not the same thing.
Maybe you recognize some of these thoughts:
I cannot fail.
I cannot disappoint them.
What will they think if I get this wrong?
Why can’t they just do it the right way?
If I don’t take care of this, it probably won’t get done correctly.
That is where it may be helpful to think about perfectionism—not simply as wanting to do things well, but as something that can reveal what is happening in our hearts.
This article draws from Darrell B. Harrison and Virgil Walker’s Just Thinking Podcast, Episode 118, “A Biblical Response to Perfectionism.” They make an important distinction: the problem is not diligence or excellence. The problem goes deeper. Jesus reminds us that what comes out of us begins in the heart (Mark 7:20–23).
So maybe the better question isn’t simply, “Am I a perfectionist?”
Maybe it is, “What does my response, when things aren’t perfect, reveal about my heart?”
What Happens When Things Go Wrong?
Sometimes perfectionism looks pretty good from the outside.
You may be dependable, organized, hardworking, prepared, and the person everyone knows will get the job done. Those can all be good qualities.
But what happens when you make a mistake?
What happens when someone criticizes your work? When your child makes a choice you wish they hadn’t? When someone does a job differently than you would? When dinner burns, the house is a mess, the project fails, you forget the appointment, or someone sees that you really don’t have it all together?
Our responses can tell us a lot.
We may become anxious, embarrassed, defensive, irritated, controlling, or discouraged. We might procrastinate because we are afraid we won’t do something well enough. We may avoid trying something new because we might fail.
Or, our perfectionism may land on everyone around us.
We correct. We criticize. We redo someone else’s work. We become frustrated because people aren’t meeting our expectations.
That is when we need to look beneath the behavior and see what is happening in our heart.
What Does Perfectionism Want?
One of the ways I find it helpful to think about the heart is through five areas: what I believe, desire, love, fear, and worship.
These aren’t five neat little boxes. They overlap. But they can help us slow down long enough to ask what is really happening inside us.
What am I believing?
Maybe I believe that if I make a mistake, people will think less of me. Perhaps I believe that if I prepare enough or work hard enough, I can control the outcome. Maybe I believe my performance says something important about my worth, my identity.
But Scripture continually reminds us that God is sovereign and we are not (Proverbs 16:9; 19:21). For those who belong to Christ, our identity and standing before God are not built on our performance but on Christ’s righteousness (Romans 8:1; Philippians 3:8–9).
What am I wanting?
I may genuinely want to do a good job. But sometimes a good desire quietly becomes a demand.
I want this to go well becomes This must go well.
I would like their approval becomes I need their approval.
I have a plan becomes This needs to happen according to my plan.
James reminds us how easily our desires can begin ruling us (James 4:1–3).
What am I loving?
This may be one of the most revealing questions.
What if I fail?
What if they are disappointed?
What if someone thinks less of me?
What if my children don’t turn out the way I hoped?
What if someone sees that I don’t know what I’m doing?
What if I lose control?
“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe” (Proverbs 29:25).
Fear has a way of showing us what we think we need.
And finally, what am I worshiping?
That may sound like a strong word, but it gets us to the heart of the matter.
What am I depending on to give me peace, identity, security, or worth?
Sometimes performance begins functioning like a little savior: If I can just get everything right, I’ll be okay.
But performance makes a terrible savior and it’s a brutal taskmaster.
Jesus isn’t.
Sometimes Our Perfectionism Hurts Others
There is another side to this that can be uncomfortable to admit.
Sometimes perfectionism isn’t just hard on us. It makes us hard on everyone else.
When my standards become ruling standards, the people closest to me usually feel it.
My husband didn’t do it the way I would have. My child embarrassed me. My coworker dropped the ball. Someone was late. A volunteer did a perfectly acceptable job—but not the way I would have done it.
Before long, I am irritated, critical, impatient, or controlling.
One question has been especially helpful to me:
Am I requiring something from this person that God Himself has not required?
Sometimes what I call a “standard” is really just my preference.
Philippians 2:3–5 calls us in another direction—to humility and to the mind of Christ. Colossians 3:12–14 calls us to compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forgiveness, and above all, love.
Those qualities may actually tell us more about Christlikeness than whether everything turned out exactly the way we wanted.
The Answer Isn't Caring Less
The answer to perfectionism isn’t becoming careless.
It isn’t shrugging our shoulders and saying, Well, I guess nothing really matters.
Christians should want to be faithful. We should work hard. We should grow. We should pursue excellence.
But there is a big difference between pursuing faithfulness and demanding perfection.
Faithfulness says, I want to honor God with what He has given me.
Perfectionism says, I need to control how this turns out.
Faithfulness says, I can receive correction and grow.
Perfectionism says, I can’t let anyone see me fail.
Faithfulness says, I want to love this person.
Perfectionism says, I need this person to meet my expectations.
And here is where the gospel gives us such good news.
We are already known.
Completely.
God is not discovering our weaknesses, failures, pride, fear, or need for control as we discover them. And yet for those who are in Christ, “there is therefore now no condemnation” (Romans 8:1).
That means we don’t have to hide.
We can confess when we are wrong (1 John 1:9). We can receive correction. We can repent. We can ask forgiveness. We can try something and fail. We can admit that someone else’s way might be perfectly fine.
And then we can keep growing.
That’s sanctification.
A Better Goal
Maybe this is the shift we need most:
The goal isn’t being perfect. The goal is becoming more like Christ.
Those are very different pursuits.
Perfectionism keeps turning my eyes back toward me:
How did I do?
What do they think of me?
Did I succeed?
Did I fail?
Did everyone meet my expectations?
Sanctification turns my eyes toward Christ:
How can I trust Him here?
What would faithfulness look like?
How can I love this person?
Where do I need to repent?
What is God teaching me?
Can I obey Him and trust Him with the outcome?
God isn’t asking us to stop caring about doing things well. He is teaching us that our performance was never meant to carry the weight of our identity, righteousness, security, or peace.
Christ carries that.
So work hard.
Prepare.
Be diligent.
Pursue excellence.
But when something doesn’t go according to plan—and eventually something won’t—pay attention to what comes out of your heart.
It might be an invitation to loosen your grip on your own standard and cling more tightly to Christ.
Because our hope was never supposed to be:
Look how perfectly I did.
Our hope has always been:
Look how sufficient Christ is.
Questions?
If you have any questions or would like some advice on how to grow your relationship with God, please do not hesitate to ask us here at Ascend. Feel free to stop by for worship on Sunday—we’d love to meet you! Or send an email to info@ascendkc.org and we’ll respond. That’s why we are here—to share the love of Jesus with everyone.
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